Every day we are growing. Every day we are changing. The past is behind us, the future so unknown- and with each moment is a chance to embrace the present and be vulnerable to something completely new. A chance to look at the world with innocent eyes and allow yourself to be happy. So, what stops us?
Words are hands- down the most powerful thing in the world. With the right construction of sentences, we can transfer our lessons; our experiences; our insecurities; our mistakes; our fears. In the age of information, we take the lessons of the past so that they don’t become our mistakes of the future. We allow the opinions of people we don’t know to control the way in which we present ourselves in social media, forcing us to walk a constructed path of stability so we never have to know the sting of failure. So we never must face our fears of taking a chance at something and it not going 100 percent to plan. And what for? The fear of what others will think?
In 2017, I was managing to live my best and worst life at the same time. Amidst multiple failed romances and uncertainty, I had the realization that fear and my inability to forgive are holding me back. Despite his shortcomings, his flaws and his mistakes, Conrad returned seeking forgiveness, owning the pain and hurt that he had caused in my life. Asking for another chance. Honestly, in that moment I felt so much emotion and wanted to say yes, but fear caused me to avoid the topic… and continue to avoid it for a couple of weeks. Then I asked myself, what are you afraid of? I asked myself, what do you stand to lose?
You see, when I looked back on our memories, I saw the things I missed. If people are to look in on our situation, they aren’t going to see a picture-perfect photo album and I realized the judgment of others for his past mistakes were what held me back. But what they didn’t see were all the things I miss. I missed late nights together, living in a haze so free with my best friend. I missed the way I’m looked at. Though the past was scattered, looking back I didn’t see the hurt, I saw two imperfect human beings and knew this was not the moment to be afraid.
Guys, in this moment I am so glad I chose to put fear aside. In a situation that has taken a complete 180, I realize how much in this moment I needed to have this love- love that I was attempting to replicate elsewhere. Who knows where the future is headed, but we all must stop allowing fear to control us. I remembered all the things I miss…
Now… I’m falling slowly.