For me, 2016 was the year I found emotions again. If you read, Wake Up. Be Beyonce., then you understand how I personally needed a few years to just meet people and recover from the situation that was, Brad. Nonetheless, I decided this is 2016, it’s time to date again.
2016 brought four guys that were extremely instrumental to my outlook going into 2017, but let me tell you all about Rico. (Gosh, basically I had a guy a season- pray for me!) Imagine a gorgeous, mid- thirties, Black man- supermodel looks, suave clothing, a gorgeous smile, a charming personality, and a great career in federal law enforcement. I already know what you thirsty bitches are thinking, “DAAAADDDDYYYYYY.” And I mean, yes. Dear God, so much yaaaaaaassss. Regardless of all of that, Rico still remained so fucking insecure.
Rico taught me that in 2017, I wont apologize for who I am, what I have been through, or the trust I have to have in you to commit. I AIN’T SORRY.
Going into 2016, I accepted a new promotion at work that really placed me on the fast track lane due to the amount of time I have been with the organization. I didn’t want my first act to be fucking a senior superior, however, the Grindr God’s decided that’s exactly what would happen. Naturally, I wanted Rico and I to remain as discreet as possible.
Despite being the hottest guy I had ever dated to that point, Rico inherently perceived my reservations on the situation to be because of his race. No matter how I worded the situation, it always came back to that.
Then came, Cancun.
About three months into dating, Rico took a trip with friends. Leading up to this trip, the pressure for me to commit and make us a real thing was hot and heavy- I conceded and said, “If we can healthily make it through the distance of your time away.” While away, I don’t even know who the fuck Rico was. Grab some popcorn, some water, use the bathroom- you won’t believe this.
For me during this time, I was swamped with work, so I happily welcomed the distraction of dating heading away for a bit. Rico, he didn’t welcome it so much- consistently perceiving my inability to Snapchat, facetime and text religiously as a notion of my infidelity. All while posting videos with random people in his hotel and even yelling once during a drunken video, “GUESS WHO IS FUCKING TONIGHT?!”- next video, random bitch twerking on him. But, my actions were called into question.
The cherry on top of this relationship for me was when I was told I’m, “running around like a slut,” for being shirtless at an EDM concert. Or maybe it was his Snapchat engagement less than 24 hrs later (yes- I too found out on Snapchat!) Needless to say, we were done, but we still had to have the convo. For Rico, he felt he shouldn’t hold himself back from love when I couldn’t commit to him- when I was looking for a white guy- but we should still be friends and fuck…. OH, YOU READ THAT RIGHT. Just got a fiancé, completely decided what I wanted and was truly looking for, and asks me to be a fuck buddy? #ByeFelicia. For Rico, “We have really good sex,” as if I had to be told, “Why not let it be that?” For me it couldn’t be that, it could be nothing- we were so done.
See, a younger me would start to wonder what it is about me that attracted someone like this. Me today realizes, we all carry baggage and scars from the past- me included. I don’t hate Rico, but it is what it is. Don’t let every bad situation break us. Feel those emotions, we all need to love again.
2017 will be, New Year. Same Me.